We all face difficult times. It is only the grace of God that gives strength to endure. Lailah Gifty Akita, Pearls of Wisdom
For me, January 2019 started on a rather low note. I was in depression and didn’t even realise that not only the month but the year has also changed. Why was I so low? Why I decided that my 2019 will start on February 1st. For this let me take you 2 months back from today:
In December 2018, I found that I was pregnant. My husband was off on a business trip. The only person privy to this information was my 6-year-old. I told her to be cooperative with me as I was making a baby for the family. She left no stone unturned and helped me with almost everything, from day to day chores to getting ready on her own, to offering me hot water bags and without complaining about going to the doctor. She had indeed been a great help.
On 26th December 2018, I miscarried. After a sincere effort from me and my doctor, I found that we would never be able to meet the baby. The next morning I passed out only to find myself in the emergency ward. The same day a dilation and curettage were performed. My husband, me and my daughter returned home in the evening with an empty look, though my daughter was still confused as to what was happening.
My doctor said that I could return to my normal day to day activities. But did I feel normal? All I wanted to do was sleep, cry and cry myself to sleep. I felt a vacuum within me … as I had already started imaging a life with my baby. I didn’t know how to face my daughter as she was so excited. My husband managed to explain to her and she has not asked me about the baby since then. Physically I was on road to recovery but mentally, emotionally and psychologically I was not. I had become very cranky since my hormones had dipped suddenly. And I was in a bad mood (I also broke my Yell Free Challenge).
Why I have Been Thankful for January:
When I went to meet my doctor after 7 days from the procedure, she softly said, “I know it is easier said than done. Don’t be upset count your blessings and thank God.” It is usually said that if a missed abortion takes place then it is good as you never know the baby may have some problem. That line of her’s made me try to be happy. I stopped blaming myself. I took this as a blessing in disguise. Though I remember my unborn baby every single day I am assured that it is safe with God.
I participated in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Here a blogger needs to write a minimum of 30 blogs in a month i.e. 1 blog a day. This is when I thought about word of the year and for me it was Gratitude. I was not able to complete the challenge but last month I wrote the maximum number of blogs till date. I made new blogger friends as well.
We shifted to a new apartment. I am quite resistant to change but this time I was at ease. Before shifting I stopped analysing about the how and pushed aside the negative feelings. This was indeed the easiest change for me. I was less crabby and settled in much earlier than I expected.
I Welcomed February with Open Arms:
Come January and I was very irritable since my hormones had gone for a toss. My hormones didn’t spare me and my daughter as well. She had to face the wrath of my anger each time and many times the last month. But she never complained. I am going back to my Yell Free Challenge, and I bet you this time I am not going to break it.
I chalked out a fitness plan for myself. I had become a couch potato and literally shut myself from the world. This was an alarm for me. So from Feb, I stated with my walk and a healthy diet plan and not to forget Hello World!
Since I stopped blaming myself and feeling guilty I found it easier to come out of the depression. I still pray for my unborn who is with God.
I want to get back to work. I am working on it. Let’s see when this happens. I am sure God will give me a signal and must have planned the best for me in this also.
Of all the things that I am certainly going to do in Feb is to count my blessings and look for something good in everything.
Happy February and a month full of love to all of you!
Linking this post to Vidya’s Gratitude Circle for this month.
Also, linking with Corinne’s #FridayReflections