A Glimpse of the Past Month #Gratitude

We all face difficult times. It is only the grace of God that gives strength to endure. Lailah Gifty Akita, Pearls of Wisdom 

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For me, January 2019 started on a rather low note. I was in depression and didn’t even realise that not only the month but the year has also changed. Why was I so low? Why I decided that my 2019 will start on February 1st. For this let me take you 2 months back from today:

In December 2018, I found that I was pregnant. My husband was off on a business trip. The only person privy to this information was my 6-year-old. I told her to be cooperative with me as I was making a baby for the family. She left no stone unturned and helped me with almost everything, from day to day chores to getting ready on her own, to offering me hot water bags and without complaining about going to the doctor. She had indeed been a great help.

On 26th December 2018, I miscarried. After a sincere effort from me and my doctor, I found that we would never be able to meet the baby. The next morning I passed out only to find myself in the emergency ward. The same day a dilation and curettage were performed. My husband, me and my daughter returned home in the evening with an empty look, though my daughter was still confused as to what was happening.

My doctor said that I could return to my normal day to day activities. But did I feel normal? All I wanted to do was sleep, cry and cry myself to sleep. I felt a vacuum within me … as I had already started imaging a life with my baby. I didn’t know how to face my daughter as she was so excited. My husband managed to explain to her and she has not asked me about the baby since then. Physically I was on road to recovery but mentally, emotionally and psychologically I was not. I had become very cranky since my hormones had dipped suddenly. And I was in a bad mood (I also broke my Yell Free Challenge).

I’ve decided that my 2019 will start on February 1st. January is a free trial month. – Unknown Click To Tweet

Why I have Been Thankful for January:

When I went to meet my doctor after 7 days from the procedure, she softly said, “I know it is easier said than done. Don’t be upset count your blessings and thank God.” It is usually said that if a missed abortion takes place then it is good as you never know the baby may have some problem. That line of her’s made me try to be happy. I stopped blaming myself. I took this as a blessing in disguise. Though I remember my unborn baby every single day I am assured that it is safe with God.

I participated in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Here a blogger needs to write a minimum of 30 blogs in a month i.e. 1 blog a day. This is when I thought about word of the year and for me it was Gratitude. I was not able to complete the challenge but last month I wrote the maximum number of blogs till date. I made new blogger friends as well.

We shifted to a new apartment. I am quite resistant to change but this time I was at ease. Before shifting I stopped analysing about the how and pushed aside the negative feelings. This was indeed the easiest change for me. I was less crabby and settled in much earlier than I expected.

I Welcomed February with Open Arms:

Come January and I was very irritable since my hormones had gone for a toss. My hormones didn’t spare me and my daughter as well. She had to face the wrath of my anger each time and many times the last month. But she never complained. I am going back to my Yell Free Challenge, and I bet you this time I am not going to break it.

I chalked out a fitness plan for myself. I had become a couch potato and literally shut myself from the world. This was an alarm for me. So from Feb, I stated with my walk and a healthy diet plan and not to forget Hello World!

Since I stopped blaming myself and feeling guilty I found it easier to come out of the depression. I still pray for my unborn who is with God.

I want to get back to work. I am working on it. Let’s see when this happens. I am sure God will give me a signal and must have planned the best for me in this also.

Of all the things that I am certainly going to do in Feb is to count my blessings and look for something good in everything.

Happy February and a month full of love to all of you!

Linking this post to Vidya’s Gratitude Circle for this month.

Also, linking with Corinne’s #FridayReflections

Proud to be an IndiBlogger

Shubhra Rastogi Written by:

Well, about me I can say that I am a certified dentist, healthcare analyst, medical writer and above all a mother of a 6-year-old. Most of my day to day activities revolve around her and she is my inspiration to start this blog. As a mother, I experimented with a lot of new things for my little one in a quest to find the best for her. I just want to share my experiences of being a happy and content mum.

12 Comments

  1. February 4, 2019
    Reply

    Hi Shubhra, Sorry to hear your loss! I have gone through this pain years ago and it is devastating to think about it even now. Hope you regain your good health in all sense very soon. Good job in participating in the blog challenges. Such challenges pushes to do our best. Wishing you peaceful days ahead.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      February 5, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Anjana, I agree it is devastating to even think about it. People around you start thinking that you are fine but this is really not the case. I loved participating in the challenge. It helped me to come out and get ahead with life.

  2. February 4, 2019
    Reply

    I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It’s not people talk about often and you can feel quite lonely as a result. It’s not surprising you were quite depressed. There will be moments you will still obviously grieve but it’s heartening to see how you are trying to focus on things to be grateful for. Hope 2019 is a good year for you and I’m impressed by you blogging for 30 days in January. Gratitude is a good word for the year.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      February 5, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Sanch. I am definitely going to count my blessings. Gratitude does amplify everything.

  3. February 5, 2019
    Reply

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like January was a month of grieving. I like the idea of giving yourself time to be ready to start this new year after such a terrible loss. The year will be there when you are ready for it. Love to you and your family!

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      February 5, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Jeanine.

  4. February 6, 2019
    Reply

    Sorry about your miscarriage. I wish you recover mentally and psychologically as well. You have written your feelings in detail, that might have reduced some burden. Keep blogging and taking care of yourselves. You will be fine in no time.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      February 6, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Ramya for visiting by

  5. February 6, 2019
    Reply

    Sorry to hear about loss Shubhra. Time will heal everything. I can relate to it as even we had loss of 6-month-old newborn. I know how difficult it is.. I wish you fabulous Feb ahead.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      February 6, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks Shilpa for visiting by

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      February 18, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Natasha!

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