Secrets To How An Unruly Child Is Not Raised

Our primary role as parents is to raise successful, loving, kind, responsible and obedient children. This can be very tough, isn’t it? But trust me we can do it as there are no bad and unruly kids. As infant expert Magda Gerber said, “Lack of discipline is not kindness, it is neglect.” Featured post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers

My daughter and I were on one of our shopping sprees (groceries for the house). When we finally filled in our cart with the month’s requirement we dashed off to the billing counter. There at the counter, we were greeted with a scene which we often see when in a toy store, at some mall or even in the park.

A young mother was very patiently trying to explain to her toddler why he cannot get the toy he wanted. He already had a similar toy and she did not want to give in to his demands. The conversation soon turned into a tantrum from the little boy’s end who was now determined to get the toy even if it meant by crying and whining. But I credit the mom, she handled the situation very well till she lost patience and lost her cool. She landed up making a scene and walked out of the store with her little boy following her … and yes he was still crying, in fact wailing loudly now.

I am sure this has happened to me, to you and to all of us at some point or the other. Getting and hold on the little ones and trying to discipline them can be quite a task. My daughter when she was a toddler would often test my patience. When I would tell her not to do a certain thing she would keep repeating the same and she would not like to leave the playground even after repeated requests from my end. But I soon set her limits which helped me prevent any major meltdowns.

There are no bad children, no unruly children ... it is just the way we talk to them defines what they become 🙂 Click To Tweet

So don’t worry moms, if this has happened with you then just try simple discipline techniques and help prevent the showdowns. After all, we don’t want to be in the limelight, right mums!

Be Patient With Your Children: Difficult but true, that being a parent means you have to be patient with your child. Children often tend to do things which not only test our patience but also parenting skills. If we say no to a child, they often keep on repeating the same thing over and over again just to see our expressions. And finally, we do land up losing our patience. This often leads to arguments and scenes. So try not to lose your patience as you may be haunted by guilt later on.

Be A Role Model For Your Children: I always say children see children do! So if you want to instil values in them why don’t you be a good role model for them? When you talk to others and to your child with respect they will do the same. Start saying the magical words when you talk to your child and they will start doing the same as well. And trust me all this can be done with much ease and less fuss.

Be Consistent And Firm: If you are very strict about discipline and are always following the NO behaviour then try to be consistent throughout. Children get confused if you say no for one thing and for the same you say yes some other time. Also, if your child tries to convert your NO to a YES by doing unpleasant things (hitting, whining, being disrespectful), which seek your attention, just look into their eyes and say a firm NO! If the same is repeated again disapprove of their actions by being firm and consistent.

Excel The Art of Talking to Your Toddler: When your child does something wrong, talk to him at a level so that he can understand you. If he throws a toy at you, you can tell him that you got hurt and how would he like if someone threw a toy at him? Won’t he get hurt? And then tell him that throwing things at others is not too good as someone may get hurt. Lastly, sum up your conversation politely by asking him whether he will throw things at people again? At that moment he may say no, but there is no guarantee that he will repeat this. But then if you give him constant reminders, he will learn soon.

Key Rule – Never Hit Your Child: You may raise your hand once or twice but don’t make this a habit as this can create a rift in your relationship with your child. Also, spanking leads to unruly behaviours later in the child’s life. As per a study, if children are spanked they become more aggressive and short tempered.

Respect And Love Your Child: Last but not the least it is very necessary to respect and love your child in a similar manner you would like your child to love and respect you. Don’t shy away from showing your love for your child. Cuddle them, hug them, play with them, read with them, laugh with them, read with them and always treat them with respect after all they also deserve it. (Just because you are a parent you can’t always bully them).

As parents, we always think for the best for our children. While we take care to raise them responsibly we should also reprimand them when they misbehave. More so because we are raising the future generation 🙂

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Shubhra Rastogi Written by:

Well, about me I can say that I am a certified dentist, healthcare analyst, medical writer and above all a mother of a 6-year-old. Most of my day to day activities revolve around her and she is my inspiration to start this blog. As a mother, I experimented with a lot of new things for my little one in a quest to find the best for her. I just want to share my experiences of being a happy and content mum.

14 Comments

  1. January 7, 2019
    Reply

    The terrible twos are in full swing at our house, and my toddler just happens to be very smart, very strong willed, and VERY loud. I think the thing that helped me keep it together the most, especially lately, was letting go of the idea that other parents are watching and judging. That’s where 92% of my anxiety/irritation came from during kiddo’s public meltdowns.

    I thought about it and decided the following:

    1. Most of those parents are probably not judging me or kiddo. They are probably sympathizing.

    2. If some parents *are* judging, they likely aren’t the type of people whose opinions I would hold in great regard anyway.

    These realisations took a lot of the pressure off, and gave me my patience back. I like what you said about respecting and loving your child. After all, toddlers are learning important self-regulation skills every day, and tantrums are a natural part of the process. An adult dragging their own anger into the mix will just make it harder for everyone involved.

  2. Shubhra Rastogi
    January 7, 2019
    Reply

    Thanks, Daria for visiting. When my daughter had meltdowns I also never bothered about anyone else. This made my life a little easier and stopped thinking that someone was judging me. Don’t worry you are doing great 🙂

  3. January 7, 2019
    Reply

    I would add that when and if a toy is thrown, the child is taught that the thrown toy AND one additional trinket is off limits for a determinate amount of time. To remind the child of the event so it won’t be repeated.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      January 7, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks a lot, Roy for visiting by. Yes, may be telling the child that the thrown toy is now off limits will not make him repeat his action. 🙂

  4. Jean
    January 7, 2019
    Reply

    Lots of great info.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      January 7, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Jean

  5. January 8, 2019
    Reply

    An interesting post. An age-old issue for sure.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      January 8, 2019
      Reply

      I so agree with you Barb, it is indeed an age-old issue.

  6. January 8, 2019
    Reply

    As parents (or grandparents), these children entrusted into our care can either grow up or be raised. It’s up to us to see the difference and then take action.

    And every child is different, making the task even more difficult. 😉 Where one action will work with one child, the very same will have no impact on another… it’s enough to daunt anyone! Fortunately, acting with love and common sense will usually work. That and an immense helping of patience! Whenever I see a mum and/or dad struggling, I try to smile at them with encouragement.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      January 21, 2019
      Reply

      Yes Patience is the key to success

  7. January 12, 2019
    Reply

    Well written Shubhra. Children really test our patience levels and as parents, we also mature and learn how to treat them with respect but also discipline their bad behaviour.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      January 21, 2019
      Reply

      Thanks, Ramya…

  8. January 17, 2019
    Reply

    I am an actively involved grandmother who watches little ones at play. What you say is quite true – there are some children who are well behaved and others who are not. I find most of the well behaved children are the ones who are encouraged to follow certain rules at home – such as talking to elders, wishing them, being polite. The unruly ones are also the rude ones, the spoilt brats and the mean kids in the park. So I personally believe that it is discipline that sets the tone for a child’s behaviour. It is not only HOW you talk to the child but teach him that there are certain forms of behaviour that you expect from him.
    My own girls were brought up strictly and even today appreciate the fact that I was their mother and NOT their friend. Children need mothers – they have enough friends.

    • Shubhra Rastogi
      January 21, 2019
      Reply

      I agree children need mothers as they have many friends!!

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