When you meet your baby for the first time you deal with a lifetime experience. For some, it is instant while others develop these feelings over time. Whatever be the case babies activate the feelings of love, happiness, and awe in us mothers.
I was informed well in advance that I will have to undergo a c-section and accordingly I was given paramount importance to select a date for the same. As I don’t believe much in stars and numerology I just opted for a day and landed up choosing Friday. I selected this day for the simple reason that the weekend was round the corner.
On the day of the surgery, I had mixed feelings of fear, anxiety, and excitement. That morning I was alone but by the evening I would transform into a mother. I had hundred and one thoughts flowing through my mind … and even on the last day, we were still deciding names. Also, everyone including the nurses was guessing as to whether I would have a boy or a girl. While all this was going on I silently prayed for a healthy baby. In the evening I was wheeled into the operation theater and within thirty minutes or even less I heard the cry of my daughter. My doctor laid her beside me but I did not see her as I was under the effect of anesthesia and soon dozed off. I don’t even remember when I was taken to the recovery room. When I woke up from the slumber of the anesthesia at night, I got to see my daughter as I was asked to feed her. Truly telling I did not have any feelings and did not know how to react. After the act of feeding was over both of us went off to sleep.
Around four in the morning, I heard a cry. First I didn’t react much to it and then suddenly I realized that I am a mother now and that it was my daughter crying. The night nurse handed her to me. I fed her and yes feeding was a struggle for both of us initially. After her feeding session was done I helped her with the burp and when the ritual was over I took her in my lap.
When I held her that was the time it happened. We both looked at each other without any interruption. That minute I found the mother in me and was indeed the most euphoric, amazing and miraculous experience.
The first thing which I told her was “It’s YOU!!!” You had been my companion, my confidant, my friend for the last nine months. Often you would dance and kick around and feel connected with me on hearing my voice. I feel as though I have known you for ages and we have to do a lot of fun stuff together.
“YOU are so big” but where you came from is a small place. Though you were tucked in my tummy you were safe with me and I am in complete awe that I built you cell by cell. Sometimes in this journey, it did get a little difficult for me but you made me strong.
In the moment when I held her, I also told her “YOU are beautiful”. Your big eyes, rosy cheeks took my heart away. The way you looked at me with your big black eyes stole my heart.
I also asked her “If I were the MOTHER she deserved”. She was small and helpless yet innocent and content. She deserves a life which is full of happiness, joy, and laughter. Would I be able to provide you all of this … but since you have chosen me to become your mother I shall work towards giving you a life you deserve.
The feeling of connecting with my daughter was something out of the world.It gave me blurry eyes and wet cheeks and a key to motherhood. Each time I think of that moment my love for my daughter just increases making me realize that this feeling is nothing but sheer bliss. I can go on and on with that unforgettable moment and indeed words fall short to define the whole episode.
Do let me know what your experience was when you met your baby first time…