Am sure you must be successful in replacing your anger with love by now. You must be sharing a beautiful relationship not only with your child but also with yourself. At last the 30 days yell free challenge is over! How do you feel?
By now all of us are aware that anger is a common human emotion just like the other emotions. While other emotions give us immense joy, anger is one such emotion which leaves us raged. When in anger one can feel a gurgling sensation right from the stomach to the back of the throat. I address it as one of the most powerful feelings after love. As it has the tendency to upset your whole routine and lower your productivity. Every parent at one point of time may get very, very angry at their child, but this is just a cycle where your negative feelings are pushed onto to someone else. Thus the cycle definitely does not produce some good after effects.
For most of us, it is simple to be pulled in this ongoing cycle of anger. This affects us so much that we don’t even notice the extent to which our relationships have been marred. Not only that we also lose out on productivity and a hold on ourselves as well. But trust me and trust yourself, anger is just a habit which we have developed over time. The more we indulge ourselves into it the angrier we feel. Agree there are instances when we lose our cool, and then there are instances which want us to rage out. But the day I learned that this emotion leads to havoc, I learnt (the hard way) to let it go. And once I let it go, I was at much peace with my self and with the people around me. Getting over it was not easy… but I did it, and if I can do it so can you!
So yes for me it’s no anger as …
It makes you act out in rage
It makes you cross your limits
It makes you put your point across but at a cost
It makes you irrational
It makes you a devil
It hurts your child and your relation
Just imagine when you are yelling at your child all day, directly or indirectly you are giving them a hidden message. You are teaching them that it is perfectly fine to scream, yell, get angry when things don’t work out or they are upset. When you don’t yell at them, apologise to them for your mistakes and are calm about the whole thing you display a positive side to them. And am sure they would like to follow you at some point or for the rest of their lives … after all they are a reflection of you!
Gabriele Oettingen of NYU, a psychology professor, also the author of ‘Rethinking Positive Thinking‘ has discovered that when we focus on the outcome rather than the obstacles we face in a bid to get there it is less likely for us to achieve the goal. So being aware of this she came up with WOOP.
WOOP can support all areas of behaviour change. It is for people who feel stuck and don’t know what to do. It is also for people whose lives seem just fine but who feel they can do better. And it is for people who face a particular challenge or transition. Ultimately, WOOP is for all of us. We all need support regulating ourselves so as to initiate, sustain, and complete our daily chores and pursue our long-term goals. By learning and applying WOOP, you will come away more motivated and skilled to connect with others, engage with the world, and take action. Use WOOP to excel at work, promote good health, enjoy relationships more, and live a happier life.
Know how WOOP works:
1. WISH: Pick a wish that feels challenging but can be reasonably fulfilled within the next four weeks. Eg: Stop yelling
2. OUTCOME: What would be the best outcome of your wish. Eg: learn to laugh instead of yelling
3. OBSTACLE: What is that inner obstacle within you that is holding you back to fulfil your wish. Eg: Work pressure, single parenting
If you have missed out on the previous posts, do read them here: Go Yell Free, The Blueprint Of Yelling, Becoming a Mindful Parent, Why Yell When You Can Get Kids Listen To You Without Yelling and Replace Your Anger With Love
The 30 day yell free challenge is finally over! how many of you took this challenge. Did you find a change in yourself, in your relationship with your child and others? Did you make the best of it? Do share with me how the challenge changed you (for the good or the bad), how it affected your day to day activities and how you emerged as a person after taking the challenge. Also, watch out this space for more on yelling!