Did you manage to find your triggers? Did you yell less in the last week … please, no cheats allowed on this one. Today let’s find out how we can be a mindful parent.
In the last post, I discussed the blueprint of yelling. The actual reason behind our yelling is formula proofed. How many of you actually sat down and identified the triggers. If you identified the triggers what effect it had on the outcome. If you have not, don’t worry you can do that right here – Trigger Identification Worksheet. Those who managed to find their triggers well done and give a tap on your back.
ANGER – what is anger? As per Wikipedia, Anger or wrath is an intense expression of emotion. Anger can be scary and harmful at the same time. Often when we are angry, we yell and shout.
Today, I shall discuss how anger affects children. I am sure that after reading this you may want to push your self to change for the better. Some people treat anger merely as a tactic so that the child does the designated work without any tantrums. However, the truth is that the outcome is very hurting and can cripple a child in terms of emotions, behaviour and self-esteem.
Anger is and can be very very scary. We as adults also feel scared of anger, but someone who is a minikin and is wholly dependent on us for their basic needs, protection, affection and safety look up to us as their world. And when we yell and get angry it could be petrifying for them.
Try to put yourself in their shoes for just a day.
The person you depend on, trust and adore the most keeps yelling at you.
They are shouting, labelling you, putting allegations, yelling and using a very very harsh tone along with a face that you don’t recognise.
Did you get some feelings, did your stomach curl … now analyse yourself and your child in the above situation and simply multiply the feelings you felt with 100 or maybe with 10,000. This is the amplitude to which the child gets frightened and distressed when being yelled at by the parent who’s acceptance is all they want.
Also Read: The Blueprint of Yelling
How Does Anger Affect Your Child
According to various researches,
- Angry parents give rise to children who suffer from low IQ, EQ and self-esteem
- Angry parents raise children who are less empathetic
- Angry parents have children who are not ductile and find it difficult to adjust to a given situation
- Angry parents have children who have trouble when they grow up often showing signs of depression, abuse, social detachment and suicide attempts.
If you feel that your child does not react so much to your yelling, then it is because they have got desensitized to your yelling. You may have been yelling on them for an eternity. In such a situation children don’t listen and often turn to their peers and are influenced hugely by them rather than the family.
Why you Should be a Mindful Parent
When we are stressed it is very easy for us to lose control and we vent out the build-up emotions that control us. This happens like in a fraction of seconds and we don’t even realise the effects it is going to have on our child. Also when we become devils then children find it difficult to perceive the whole situation.
When meltdown after meltdown occur and you feel that parenting is becoming difficult with each passing day then try to see the challenges which can definitely be turned into opportunities when you act with mindfulness. Here is how you can start mindful parenting practices in your day to day life.
- Take it Easy: It is very easy for us to give attention to moments like a child’s tantrum or a big fall. Basically, we give attention to the moments which are pleasant, unpleasant, fun, not all that fun, excitement or tantrums. But what happens when we are doing a routine job. Where is our attention at that time? This is the perfect time to practice mindfulness. Trust your breathe and make it your companion. Give attention to your breath and even the most routine moments of parenting can be turned into the present … the present interactions with your children.
- Take a Break: When things don’t work out as planned and you find it difficult to commit then just relax … take a break. Taking a break can work wonders. Try to analyse the situation and how you can enjoy the same.
- Think Before You Lose Your Cool: When you feel that you are going to explode with a rage of anger, don’t go with the flow. Try to feel the reactions caused by your body. Give yourself some time, count to 10 on your fingers and you will notice the emotions fizzing up and down. At this point work with caution by feeling and seeing the emotions. This usually helps to suppress the emotions and take care of the situation even in the most challenging times.
- It’s Okay to be Imperfect: Most of us think that when we become parents our responsibility manifolds. We make sure that our children are looked after, fed and safe and secure. We leave no stone unturned to work for their well being. In doing so sometimes we forget that some things are not under our control. We cannot be perfect all the time. With children around, there will be loads of work, laughter, tears, joy and difficulties. When difficult situations arise we often blow our lid. Next time around, try not to be so perfect when a difficulty comes your way. It’s okay to be imperfect as you find life’s little happiness waiting to be embraced by you.
How Being A Mindful Parent Helps
When you practice mindful parenting you become:
- Aware of your emotions, thoughts and feelings
- Aware of your child’s feelings and emotions
- Less judging
- You avoid at the drop of the hat reactions
- Regulate your emotions well
- Last but not the least your relation with your child improves
Next time when you get angry, just go and see your self in the mirror. I am sure you will get shocked to see your self and your distorted face. This will make you realise how it feels when someone is being yelled at.